Love At First Write

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My journey through Post-partum!

6th Sep 2023

In 2018, I reconnected with a dear school friend after a long time. She was surprised to read the motivational pieces I wrote on my Facebook page back then. We both were new mothers then, juggling to get sleep, look perfect, try to show our confident selves and much more. Today, when I sit back and think about that time, I fail to understand how I managed to survive it! Let me tell you, motherhood is not as rosy as it is shown to be. Use 9 months of pregnancy to prepare yourself to go through all of it.
A few days back, I and my husband, were decluttering stuff. He found a diary which he started reading immediately but could not proceed after 3/4th page. It was handwritten by me around my post-partum time. It was so depressing and sad, totally opposite to my trait. He did not have any idea about it and was shocked to read what I felt back then. There was mention of suicide a couple of times. It took me 2-2.5 years to come out of it, and proudly on my own!
Postpartum can be very depressing, especially with a career break. The feeling of financial dependency, monotonous schedule, restricted socializing, and added responsibilities; may not sound that intense, but as a sudden transition for which the extrovert in me was not prepared, it did give me suicidal thoughts. Coming out of it was not easy either. One reason that helped me hang in there was my baby. The other things that helped are:

1) Acceptance:
I did not see it coming, and I did not prepare myself for it, but I could have accepted it and moved ahead. I rather kept cribbing about it, focussing more on the problem than attempting to find a solution. Not only about post-partum, but acceptance in general makes things and relationships easy and reduces disappointments.

2) Journaling:
As I mentioned about the diary previously, although I was not doing it consciously, it was helping me heal. So many feelings inside, that we may not necessarily find the right person to share them with, but a diary and a pen will never judge you! My diary was like an outlet, a venting tool for all the emotions I was feeling then.

3) Goal:
For this one, I would like to thank my parents. They have raised me that way. I can not carry the same, especially the sad emotion forever. I try to look at the brighter side of the situation, I try to make some attempts to move ahead. But to decide to stay there or move ahead; was difficult. When academically you are strong, as a person, people around you expect you to put your talent to good use, the urge to do something comes naturally. Writing was not the first thing I did while coming out of post-partum; There are many other options I explored. At first, I considered financial independence as my only goal, but later I realized, my real solitude is in my words!

4) Self-love:
I may not be preaching self-love very actively. But ME time is important. Doing what you like, daily, for 10 minutes, is important. Being aware of your qualities and capabilities and consciously choosing steps to get better at it, is important. Connecting with like-minded and easy people, and cutting off the unnecessary drama is important. Sleeping for as long as you want (you hardly get to sleep that long!) is important. And all of this is self-love.

I analyzed and read a lot about post-partum, and even considered taking formal counseling for the same back then. But the go-getter attitude in me helped me find my way to come out of it at my own pace. The points mentioned above are very simple suggestions which anyone would advise otherwise also. But I lived my journey and survived it using them as tools. People in your life, counselors, and doctors will give you a one-time hope, it is you who has to convert it into a lifetime opportunity.

This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon 2023.

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