Integrity. Independence. Involvement.

10th April 2023

As the new academic year started, Dhruv started packing his bag according to the timetable on his own. Reena is happy to see Dhruv becoming independent. However, she still cross-checks his bag once he sleeps.
The next morning, Reena asks Dhruv, "Dhruv, last week we got neon pencils for you. Where are they?" Dhruv tries to come up with an answer saying, "Mumma, I will get them back today. I promise I will." Reena sighs, "Ok. And whose pencils have you got in your compass box?" Dhruv gasped, "It is my friend's."
"Something is fishy Dhruv. Tell me what is going on?" Reena asked as she stared at Dhruv.
"Mumma, actually everyone liked my neon pencils. And in the maths period, it suddenly went missing. My friend Aahaan offered me his pencil. I did not get to search for mine, but I will search and get it back today." Dhruv explained. "Now that is convincing. And it is very kind of Aahaan to help you. What about that?" Reena asked. "He is my friend, he gave me this pencil, and now it is mine!" Dhruv replied. Reena controlled her temper and said, "He only helped you, ideally, you should have returned it yesterday in the last period. I always say, "Do not miss your stuff, do not bring someone else's." Only what is yours is yours. If you do this, do you think Aahaan will help you next time?" Dhruv is quiet. "I don't mind if you do not get your stuff back, but please do not get somebody else's," Reena says in a strict tone.
"Mumma, I am sorry. I will return this to Aahaan today." Dhruv says softly. Rakesh sees everything from a distance comes closer, and says, "Okay, let us have the first coffee of the day now."



Integrity.
Another attribute that should deliberately be taught to kids, is to do the right thing even if no one is watching. Integrity is vital in long run. Whenever kids grow up, the probability of them choosing the right way to do things increases. Also, in many circumstances, choosing the right and legit path to do things would seem to be a tough choice. But if kids are habituated to making that choice, they will not be scared of the consequences, because, no matter how long it takes, on the right path it will always be good in the end!

Independence.
It is ideal to make kids independent as they grow. It is okay to cross-check in their absence or observe them from a distance in their presence, but make sure if they come to know you are doing so, it should be in a way that their self-confidence does not fade away, they should not feel like you are suspicious and they do it wrong always.

Involvement.
Well, it is a vicious circle, you want to see them independent but also want to make sure they do not fall into a pit! Parenting is a full-time and lifetime job; you will overlook some mistakes, and they will cope with your absence at times. But when there is communication about this, it is either happening in excess or not at all. We learn to strike the balance with time, it does not happen overnight. As I write this, I remember a small snippet from the movie Mission Mangal prominently. Vidya Balan figures out that her son is reading an Urdu book ( Quraan probably), she asks him once, and he grabs the copy and immediately put it in the drawer. She does not ask again! That is how involvement should be!
Note: This post is a part of #Blogchattera2z 2023.