Distance. Discipline. Decision Making.
4th April 2023
Reena switched from being a full-timer to a freelancer after embracing motherhood. And as we all are
aware, freelancing is not easy; Reena was not as occupied as she would be in her full-time job. She
got a few temporary projects which she would finish in very less time. Dhruv was the only full-time
project she was thoroughly involved in.
Reena had a close eye on whatever Dhruv used to do. She kept on interrupting him while he ate,
played, studied, and everything. The poor boy considered it normal and went on to become dependent
on Reena for approval on everything. When in school he used to look around for approval either from
teachers or his classmates. Even during the exam, he lacked the confidence to write the answers to
the questions. The teacher was aware he knows the concepts but was clueless why he did not write on
paper. She sent a note to Reena to meet urgently.
The next morning Reena reached school and was in shock to listen to what the teacher said. She then
found herself in a pool of guilt realizing her overprotectiveness has resulted in a deep dependency
trait in Dhruv. He did not fear decision-making, he sought approval every single time. Reena asked
the teacher if there is any help available to make this situation better. She was asked to meet an
on-duty counselor who was present at the school campus. Reena met her and explained the whole
situation. The counselor in turn provided some basic changes in daily life that would help Dhruv
come out of this situation. Reena put them into action the same day.
In the evening, Reena gave him sums to solve and asked him to solve all by himself. She waited at a
distance as she saw him solve all of them. He kept screaming for approval to check if he solved them
correctly; Reena remained firm this time, "You solve them, I will check once you are done. NOT
"It may be wrong. Please don't be mad at me then!" said Dhruv.
"I won't be, I promise you that. But I want you to solve them all by yourself," replied Reena.
Surprisingly, he solved them all correctly. And the child had been bearing all the stress only
because of Reena's obsession.
Guilty Reena has now started maintaining a distance, watching him do things on his own and
intervening if and when needed.
We as parents think of making our kids perfect, forgetting about the gist of parenting being
independence and confidence. We need to keep a watch on the level and frequency of interruption that
we do. There should be times we see them as individuals from a distance keeping the relationship
aside for good.
Discipline comes only when fix set of actions is being done consistently and by the desired person.
The sequence, the time, the proportion, everything matters. And does not come if we do it on the
kid's behalf. For example, no matter how many times you advise the child to improve their
handwriting, practice the correct one. You can not do it on their behalf and if you do it, their
handwriting is not going to improve. So it is important to get it done from them in a way that
interests them rather than making it an exhausting process. Initially, they need the right
motivation to stay disciplined, before it becomes a habit.
There are times when we help the kids to arrive at a decision, and there are times when we have to
leave things to them. They might not consider our advice and it is okay, they will face the
consequence of the same. Throughout the process, the confidence and learning do not stop either way,
better if they do it on their own, take charge, and responsibility for the consequences. We can
always show them ways to bypass the pit, it is up to them if they still choose to fall into it! This
may sound rude to many parents, but you can only save them till a certain time, later on, they
choose their ways. And then it is us, the parents who have to rescue them only to the level we can!
Hence, the sooner the better! Let them decide on their own!
Note: This post is a part of #Blogchattera2z 2023.